


You're Not The Only One

by lostinjungkook



Series: The Stages Of Saying Goodbye [2]
Category: NCT (Band), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Gen, Goodbyes are hard, Haechan is absent but still there, Kang Daniel-centric, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Platonic Relationships, slight angst, someone please protect mark and daniel from all the evil in the world, tags are too, that doesn't make sense but you will see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-08 06:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17381765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinjungkook/pseuds/lostinjungkook
Summary: "Pause after Pause. Breath after Breath. Daniel can practically feel how Mark forces the words out of this throat. He decides right there that he wants to be as brave as his friend. He wants to say the words he had feared to say out loud for weeks."Or: Mark has an emotional breakdown backstage at the end of the year show and Daniel lets him know that he's not the only one who's having a hard time letting go.





	You're Not The Only One

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I want to thank Whitelilacxx for requesting a nct x wanna one imagine. I don't know if you will see this, but I hope you do 💕  
> I choose Daniel and Mark, because I loved their chemistry on "It's Dangerous Beyond The Blankets" and I immediately knew what kind of scenario I wanted to write with the two of them. 
> 
> Before we get into the imagine, I want to address something real quick.  
> A huge problem for me when I write imagines is that in real life I often change how I address the idols. Sometimes with their stage name, sometimes with their real name, sometimes with a nickname. It also differs from group to group and from member to member. For example in BTS I call Jungkook, Jimin, Jin and J-Hope obviously by their stage names while I tend to call V-> Tae, Suga-> Yoongi and RM-> Namjoon. Don't even ask me why, because I have no idea 😂
> 
> When I write about NCT - especially Mark and Haechan - I face the problem that in real life I always call Donghyuck by his stage name, but I feel like NCT wouldn't address him like this when their outside of the public eye. So I tried to call Haechan Donghyuck in my last two imagines, but it felt weird to me. Probably because I only know Haechan and not Donghyuck if you understand what I mean.
> 
> So long story short: I will be calling Donghyuck Haechan in my imagines from now on. I hope you don't mind and enjoy this imagine anyway!

Mark has always disliked New Year’s Eve. Something about saying goodbye to a whole year filled with memories in just one day and spending this day building up so many expectations for the following one, has always made him anxious.

But this year was even worse than the one’s before. This time it would signify the end of his time with dream. And even though he made amends and talked to the boys about it weeks ago, all the anxiety bubbled up again. Until it reached the surface.

It had taken Mark a really long time to find an empty floor in the backstage area of the building. Time he didn’t really have since he could already feel his throat close up and his hands start to tremble from where he hid them in his pockets. Dream just successfully finished their last performance of the year. Well, as successfully as the could without Haechan. Somehow seeing all the fans in the audience and seeing the countdown to the new year on the screen behind them, made everything so final. Like reality finally caught up to him.

He had spend the days between the release of Candle Light and the show either practicing or being stuck in meetings discussing his future. And since Haechan had went home to spend Christmas with his family and to recover from his injury - he didn’t really have someone to talk.

Of course, he could always call him, but what friend would call his injured best friend just to talk about his stupid worries and insecurities that they talked about on multiple occasions before. They were old news.

So instead of calling Haechan or talking to one of his hyungs in the dorm, he just pushed his anxiety away and focused on being the best version of himself on stage.

Now that the performance was over, he regretted his decision. He had dealt with anxiety long enough to know that you can’t push it away forever. Somehow it always catches up and takes over.

He had hoped it would wait until they were back in the dorm so that he could lock himself up in the bathroom or his room. But no. Not even a few minutes after they left the stage, he could feel his heart starting to race. When they gave their microphones back to the staff, his hands already trembled so much that he needed three attempts to successfully take off his headpiece.

The whole situation was overwhelming to him. No one had ever seen him like this. Not even Taeyong or Johnny who were there from the beginning. So the last thing he wanted was for the younger ones to see him like this.

It wasn’t as hard to get away from them as he thought it would be. They were way too ecstatic about the performance to notice anything weird about Mark leaving with the excuse to go to the restroom. And that’s how he ended up in an empty corridor somewhere in the building with about 89 minutes left till midnight.

* * *

 

Daniel’s goal when he excused himself from the group to get some fresh air, was exactly that. Fresh air. And maybe some quiet to sort out his thoughts and feelings that were a complete whirlwind today. Of course, no one would blame him. He knew all of his members were going through the same thing and wouldn’t hesitate to console him, but he wanted to be alone for a while.

The idea to get fresh air was overthrown the moment he stepped out of the building and into the cold winter air. His stage outfit definitely wasn’t the right fit for this kind of weather. So he quickly turned around and walked back inside, hoping that he could find a quiet place in all the madness that happened backstage at such a big show.

After searching for what felt like hours, he steps into a vacant corridor. At least he thought it was vacant until he hears something that sounds like heavy breathing. Slowly he walks around the edge and sees a figure sitting on the ground, head buried in his hands. The boy’s shoulders were shaking and Daniel immediately recognizes the signs of an anxiety attack. Something he had experienced on a daily basis during his time on Produce 101. Sadly, he was better at having one than at helping someone through one. Everyone experiences anxiety differently which makes it difficult to help. But maybe all the boy needs is to know that he isn’t alone and so Daniel decides to keep quiet and take a seat beside him. Slowly he places a calming hand on the boy’s shoulder and waits for him to calm down. He didn’t know know who it was, but he wanted to do his best and help.

At first, the body tenses under his hand and Daniel fears to have done the wrong thing, but then - slowly - the boy’s breathing evens out. He doesn’t know how long they just sit in silence and breathe until the boy eventually lifts his head. Daniel’s jaw drops.

„Mark?“

The boy’s eyes widen in shock.

„Daniel?“

„Hey. What are you doing here? And where are your members?“

Mark just shrugs as he rubs a hand over his face, dragging his features down with it.

„You know, I could ask you the same thing.“

„Point taken.“

A sad smile forms itself on the younger boy’s lips.

„I just needed some space to breathe. Everything became too much.“

Daniel nods.

„Yeah, me too. What’s on your mind?“

He can feel Mark’s hesitance to talk and it makes him realize why none of his members are here with him. He doesn’t want them to worry. Sometimes he hates how similar idols tick.

„I hate New Years Eve. I hate how everyone makes such a big deal out of it. I hate that Haechan isn’t here. I hate that as soon as midnight strikes my time in NCT Dream is over. I hate that all of this is such a big deal for me when it shouldn’t.“

Pause after Pause. Breath after Breath. Daniel can practically feel how Mark forces the words out of this throat. He decides right there that he wants to be as brave as his friend. He wants to say the words he had feared to say out loud for weeks.

„Today marks the end of my time with Wanna One too. I’m scared. Petrified even. It feels like everything I’ve ever achieved is taken away from me. Worse, it feels like my family is taken away from me and there is nothing I can do about it. Of course, we all knew from the beginning that this was just a project - something temporary - but I still had hopes that they would allow us to continue after seeing how much success we had. It’s stupid. I know that now and…— I guess what I want to say is that I can understand you. You’re not alone.“

Their eyes meet in silent understanding. Daniel can see the bond they formed back in Vietnam. When he first met Mark he immediately grew fond of him, but he was sure that as soon as their shooting was over he would lose contact to the younger. Right now the universe proved his assumptions wrong.

„I’m sorry.“ Mark leans his head on Daniel’s shoulder and simultaneously shares a little bit of the weight on his heart with him.

„Yeah, me too.“

„How do you do it?“

Daniel tilts his head. „Do what?“

„Say goodbye.“ Mark’s eyes glisten with fresh tears.

„I don’t. Saying goodbye would destroy me. What I’m saying is more like a "see you later" - a temporary goodbye. These people will always gonna be a part of my life. Maybe not as much as they are right now, but we shared something so unbelievable that it’s gonna unite us for the rest of our lives. I will always keep an eye on them and check in on them to see how their doing. Family doesn’t have to be together to be a family. As long as you keep them right here in your heart, they will always be with you.“

Truth is Daniel was as scared of saying goodbye as Mark, but now not so much anymore. He’s gonna miss the boys more than anything, but he won’t lose them. He won’t let them get out of reach. Life maybe didn’t mean for them to achieve their dreams together, but it definitely meant for them to be a part of each other. It’s funny how he needed Mark to understand it.

„I know that this isn’t goodbye and I talked with my members about it weeks ago. But being on stage made me feel all the anxiety again. I wish Haechan was here. He would know how to get my mind off things. No offense.“

„None taken, but why don’t you call him?“

The younger just shakes his head and continues to play with the phone in his hands.

„He needs to take care of himself right now.“

Daniel knows how stubborn Mark can be so he just leans back against the wall. One shared look between the both of them seals the silent agreement to stay in their hideout until they need to return to their groups for the countdown.

* * *

 

Mark has 20 minutes left till midnight when suddenly Michael Jackson’s voice echoes through the hallway. After his heart has calmed down from the shock, he only needs a second to recognize that the sound was coming from his phone.

„It’s Haechan.“ He can still vividly remember the moment Haechan decided to chose this song as his ringtone on Mark’s phone: _I’m special, aren't I? So I need a unique ringtone as well._

Daniel turns to look at him.

„What are you waiting for? Answer.“

„I can’t.“

„Why not?“

Why not? The question echoes in his mind. When became talking to Haechan so hard? He missed the younger boy a lot. Like more than a lot. But what he said earlier was also true: Haechan needed to take care of himself right now. He knew his friend would drop everything asap if he knew that Mark was breaking and he couldn’t let that happen. But what if Haechan called, because he needed Mark. Shouldn’t he be strong for him then?

It seemed like Daniel decided to make that decision for him.

„I’m gonna go and talk to my members before we need to be on stage and you need to do that too. Start with Haechan. Just talk to him, Mark. I’m sure it will help. You said so yourself.“

Mark’s finger presses the green bottom as he watches Daniel’s back disappear around the edge.

„MARK LEE, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? MY PHONE BLEW UP WITH CALLS AND MESSAGES FROM THE OTHERS. THEY ARE WORRIED SICK!“

Oh no. How stupid could he be? Of course, the others would notice if he disappeared for over an hour. And of course, they would call Haechan since he was the only one who had saved Mark's new number already.

„I’m sorry. You don’t need to worry. I’m gonna head back to our dressing room right now.“

The other end is silent, until…

„You had another anxiety attack, right?“

Mark’s jaw drops.

„What? How- how do you even know about that?“

„Mark. We know each other since we were trainees and you think I never noticed? Why do you think I crawl into your bed at night after you had a meeting? Or why I buy you food on days where our practice was pure hell? Sometimes I can’t believe you’re older than me.“

He can literally see Haechan’s smile in front of him. The one that comes out when the younger boy knows he is superior to the other.

„To be honest, I never really thought about why you acted the way you did. I was just thankful that you did.“

Another pause.

„Why didn’t you call me?“

„I wanted to make sure that you're taking care of yourself. You always forget about yourself when one of us has a problem and I didn’t want that to happen.“

The laugh that follows his answer fills the whole hallway.

„I broke my shin, Mark. The only thing I can do right now is rest - which literally means doing nothing. Do you have any idea how bored I am? I didn’t leave my bed since I left Seoul. Believe me, worrying about you is a lot more fun than what I'm doing right now.“

„Are you sure?“

„Of course. And now hurry back to the others before they decide to tell our manager that you disappeared. They were this close to doing so when they called me. But don’t think this is over. I expect you to call me as soon as you’re back at the dorm, understood?“

„I wouldn’t dare not to.“

„Good… One more thing before you hang up. You know you’re doing great, right? Everyone else in your position would be as overwhelmed as you’re feeling right now. So don’t worry, okay? And remember what we told you: We’re always gonna be your home. So don’t hesitate to call me or talk to the others. I know you still see them as the kids they were when we met them, but they grew up. A lot. They are ready to see the bad sides of life too.“

„I know. I promise I'm gonna talk to them. Sometimes I don't know what I would do without you - so thank you.“

„Always.“

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I'm content with how this turned out, but since I don't have time to re-write it, I will post it as it is and maybe improve it later. University really demands all of attention at the moment.  
> My goal was to post this before Wanna One had their final concert and luckily I at least managed to do that. I already know that the videos will make me bawl my eyes out - so goodbye for now until my heart is whole again.
> 
> Today's Song Of The Day:  
> Valkyrie by ONEUS  
> ↳ This group just had their debut and I'm already obsessed. I'm not sure on who my bias is yet, but it's either Leedo or Ravn. I'm really curious if any of my readers stan them, so let me know :)
> 
> contact me:  
> [ᴛωɪᴛᴛᴇʀ](https://twitter.com/myforeverwithin)  
> [ᴄᴜʀɪᴏᴜsᴄᴀᴛ](https://curiouscat.me/brokenxdiaries)


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